It takes a lot to stay here

It takes a lot to stay here, in a place of peace and faithfulness. You see my spirit-joyful and free. A kind of wild you have never seen. You might be misguided to believe that life must have been a little bit easier for me. However, I have been both the victim and the perpetrator. I have seen the depths at which our souls can get buried from the light.

It would be easy to wake up each day callous, formed by all the sorrow and disappointment. I could look at the hopefulness in my daughter’s eye and think- “Honey, you have no idea all the shit you’re gonna get in this world.” It was habitual to keep ripping those wounds open. To wake up each day and only focus on all of the ways I have hurt myself and the world around me.

Waking up, getting moving with hope for a better day is a challenge. Wearing joy as my armor sometimes feels like a grueling work out in the pouring rain. I have been in a place of anger at those who are smiling and dreaming. A place where hope does not reside; woken up each day only to see the terribleness of the world. Understanding the deep clutching pain of time passing; being out of control.

I make this testament with hope that I can remain here with you at a place of peace, joy, gratitude and hope for the future. It is from our weakest moments we form the strength to forgive and accept. To find the joy in each day; a dog’s tail wagging, a child’s laugh, the birds singing and the warm sun shining.

These are only the beginning of possibilities. You can see so much more beauty with a twinkle in your eye. It is time to say goodbye to all the heartbreaks. We are survivors. On a journey to thrive, living in the moment.